It’s the school holidays, and I am in the middle of the chaotic dance of parenting
The kids' school holidays bring a new challenge to navigate daily. As the demands pile up and responsibilities multiply, it's easy to feel like I'm walking a tightrope, balancing on the edge of my limits.
I realise most parents feel stretched thin during these times, struggling to maintain composure while battling internal chaos, juggling work, parenting, boredom (the kids', not mine!), endless requests for snacks, and whatever else comes up, but how much can one woman take?
The tipping point comes with a knock on the door from some kind of sales person
It's just another demand on my already stretched resources. I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of breaking down into tears or screaming in frustration. But reality dictates that I must soldier on; my mental breakdown will have to be pencilled in for another time.
Whose bright idea was it to have two weeks of school holidays every nine weeks?
As adults, we're supposed to be working to support these kids! So here I am, juggling responsibilities, contorting myself to meet everyone else's needs.
And heaven forbid I don't plaster a smile on my face and express gratitude for having kids and a job. All while twisting myself into a pretzel to ensure everyone else is taken care of and watching my soul wither away, as I frantically try to recall if I bought a birthday present for the weekend party.
The show must go on
When I get a minute to sit down and work, I converse with my clients as professionally as possible, but really, I'm struggling to grasp basic words and form coherent sentences, while intrusive thoughts about forgotten tasks bombard my mind at the worst possible moments.
In between calls, I do my best to engage with my kids and be present - not just to fulfil my role as a mother, but also because I've somehow found myself on the gentle parenting side of TikTok, adding to my ever-growing guilt about being inadequate.
Yet, to my disappointment I find even while playing make-believe with my five-year-old and assisting the other two with glue and glitter, my mind is still consumed by all the things I have to get done.
It’s in that moment, on the brink of a mental breakdown, a realisation dawns: Something has to give.
The protagonist, juggling responsibilities like a circus performer, recognises the unsustainable nature of their existence.
The societal pressure to be endlessly cheerful and grateful despite the overwhelming burden feels suffocating.
It's an act of epic proportions, one that feels increasingly untenable. It's simply not possible for me to keep going like this.
A decision is made
A decision to stop ignoring what I need, to acknowledge the limits of what can be done, and to let go of the impossible standards set by society (and possibly myself). It's a turning point, a moment of surrender to the reality of human (my!) limitations.
There's only so much I can do. And if I lose it, then who's going to keep steering this ship?!
I know school holidays are full-on for everyone, it's relentless and no one really ever acknowledges how f*ing hard it is. But I realise I need to look after myself, try to practice a new approach of self-compassion, setting realistic expectations, and recognising that it's okay to not have it all together all the time.
I can't push anymore, so I choose to accept this sh*t show for what it is.
I look at my kids' little faces and to no one's surprise, they're completely oblivious to what goes on in my mind. All they need is a mum who loves them.
Weirdly, with this realisation, I start to feel a sense of peace. Maybe, I can do this?!
If you're stuggling as a mum, remember to talk to a friend, schedule a therapy session or call Lifeline Australia on 13 11 14 for 24-hour support. You're never alone.
